After working for a good two-thirds of a fockin fortnight, I find myself completely out of whack. My laundry has gone up to a near unmanageable pile. The fridge is near empty while the pantry is full of trash masquerading as food. Almost all of our provisions are in the fockin red. And if not for my dear bestfriend, there will be no decently cooked food in the house. Heck, we probably won't even have water! Gah.
I have to schedule my clients' appointments all within a week's time cause each one of them is overdue. I am once again unable to keep up with my inbox. Bills and receipts, notices and return stubs are waiting to be filed soon as they come out of their individual envelopes. Ironing clothes has become a thing of the past. My car is a moving dustbin. And if not for online banking, I will probably be late paying each and every one of my bills each and every month.
How one can I live like this, I have no idea. I can't. I can't sleep very well with all these nagging me at the back of my mind. And could I be any more deprived? Hello... I work 13 fockin hours per day, for Pete's sake! I am inadvertently in limbo until I have all these fixed and in place so technically, I am not even getting anywhere or having anything accomplished. And you know what the funny thing is? I'm in this rut because I believe I've been working! Catch 22? You tell me.
I know, I know. It's a tough life and the way things are going, I should be thankful that I have a job and of course I am. How can I not be? It's just that I also wish we could always eat the right stuff, you know. That there aren't days when we have to settle for what we can throw together in a jiffy because that is all that we can manage. Or else we can always opt for the default... eat out, which is easy but not nifty. 2 weeks ago, I had some time to cook for my closest friends, which was a weekly task before I have this current job. I will not forget the look on their faces... the look of satisfaction on their faces until the final desert... made more outstanding in my mind because I know I haven't cooked for them in quite a while.
I long for mornings past when I'd wake up but I didn't really need to get up... I had time to reacquaint with myself. I had time to plan the day without finding myself finally getting caught up on the 24th hour. I had time to get on my dogs' nerves... and then laugh afterwards. In a nutshell, I had time to feel something... something else... besides being exhausted. That was just last week. I fockin miss that.
I am trying to remember if in my recent past I have wished for this, or at least for the part of it that was obviously appealing. We never do see the bigger picture, do we? We're never smart enough for that. We always seem to miss seeing the part where it says 'difficult' and I take my hats off to that part in the human spirit that will keep refusing to see that it has indeed become 'difficult.' I keep forgetting that our smallest decisions become vast by implication. They will always encompass our whole lives.
And yet tomorrow, we are going to Binondo ... something I have never done for the past 5 years or so to gratify my tummy's longing for chinese food.. Ah life... you ole bugger!