Thursday, January 26, 2012

Of Interruptions And Getting Back

My life got recently interrupted for a little over a year. I’m getting back on track, starting work again next week. It was a hard time though and the aftermath is a little daunting but nothing unmanageable. My life has been interrupted in so many ways before and this is just another one that goes into history, my history.

In a quiet moment during an afternoon walk yesterday, I pondered on this and thought, if not for the cancer, I probably would have just come off work and would either be catching up on sleep or stuffing whatever chores I could fit into the few hours before I crash. My life, as usual, right? Well not today. Because my life got interrupted, I am enjoying this walk with my sister, in this glorious day that God has made. And this walk was so nice we’ve made a pact to do it again, on weekends when I wasn’t working. In fact, we’ve got a date on the Sunday after this. From the trail is a little path that leads to the main street leading to the movie theater. We decided we’d walk it on Sunday, watch a movie and walk back. I’m really looking forward to that. And I have this to look forward to because my life got interrupted.

I guess it’s like when a branch of a tree breaks. Growth for that branch stops but where it broke, the tree will find new ways to grow, to be whole again.

And maybe that’s what it all boils down to, the lives we live. It’s all a struggle to be whole. And when life interrupts, it’s actually showing you the way.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Of Optimism

I've had my share of learning, maybe not of the Romeo and Juliet kind but yeah, I've shed my tears. I am not sure I'd care very much to put it all in words, not that anyone would really be interested to know if I did. This is what I know now though, only love lasts as a motive for any good we want to do. Love enables us to die for others, love spends itself for another. 

I cannot think of love with a shadow of the fear, the expectation, or even the slightest notion of getting hurt behind me. Much as I will admit to the highest probability in it, I will not let hurt set its foot at the door of love at the same time that I do. I have decided, years before, that when I love, I will love, period. I will embrace it like there is no time to wait and all I have left is now. There will be no conditions, there will be no restrictions. I only have myself to offer anyway, I've got nothing more. If I lose that, then God have mercy on the one who loses it for me. As for me, I have survived this way for the past years, not necessarily unscathed but still with my head on my shoulders and my heart in my hands. I still manage to wake up in the morning with the hint of a smile, as if that in itself is the best thing that could happen to me today.

Call it naive, and let it be my greatest fault.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Of Resolutions About Dating

... will not date another doctor or any medical practitioner anymore. 'Must be with their Hippocratic Oath that makes them, ironically, weird.

Next please.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Of Persistence and Indifference

I work out usually at The Fort in weekends and lately I've been seeing there a former date, too. I don't know how he got my number but he's been texting me lately and last night I wanted to be mean to him in text. He wanted to go out with me again. I said I was busy and he said his sister has some bazaar stall with knickknacks that I could be interested in and I said no thanks. And he replied, how about tonight? Jesus, dating again someone who you used to date but didn't work out is so not fashionable in my book. It makes me want to puke when I think about it. Bile accumulating in my stomach and trying to escape through my mouth.

People say I'm too nice for my own good sometimes. Or maybe too generous. But I have this defense mechanism going on, too. When I feel like I've been so nice to someone and that person bad-mouthed me or was just nasty and mean to me, I will just stop seeing that person/friend/date. I don't think I'm obliged to understand everyone's issues. It's easier for me to just stay out of that person's way forever.

The former date and I used to fight. Well he got mad a lot at me. I would pick him up from his house, drive him to wherever he wants to go and pay for everything along the way. That's fine with me but he would start fights because we would for example arrive at the gym of his choice 5 minutes late because of heavy traffic. I would pay phone credits, too, and he doesn't reply to any of my text messages. He would say, "What I do with those credits, whom I text, is none of your business." He didn't want to go to Greenbelt with me because his friends might see us together and he didn't want them to know we were going out. Later I found out he was dating someone else, too. This 40 something guy.

So after I stopped seeing him, I started dating someone. The former date kept on calling me and one time my current date answered the phone and they had a fight. They were both screaming and I thought they were being ridiculous. I mean, life's easy. Just--disappear. I mean come on, there's 7 billion people in this planet.