Melanie Marquez and Saint Peter meet at the gates of heaven.
MM: Where am I?
SP: Welcome, Melanie.
MM: Oh. My. God.
SP: Not exactly. But you will meet Him inside.
MM: Wa-what? I cannot be dead. I am one of the last living Ms. International na buhay!
SP: Unfortunately, the plane you were riding crashed.
MM: Oh no...we had a planecrash-ed?
SP: (Nods solemnly.) But the good thing is, you have reached the very gates of heaven. You are in a far better place. Now, tell me in order to gain entrance to heaven, have you been a good and faithful servant?
MM: Servant? Of course not! My beauty is not like a maid, muchacha noh! Don't forget that I am a long-legged Ms. International!
SP: Ah, but it is wrong to belittle other people based on their status in life. It is a sin to judge others--
MM: I know! Because others are not a book, diba? That's what I said to Kris Aquino. I told her kapatid ko pa rin si Joey. We are one and the same!
SP: What I am about to ask you will merit your riches stored here in heaven. So, what other good works have you done while you were on earth?
MM: I think I am a good woman. I am a success because I don't middle in other people's life. Even if inaaway nila ako, I still won't stoop down to my level. I have always lived to my principle, "We are lovers. Not fighters."
SP: What about vices? Do you smoke, drink, gamble, use illegal drugs?
MM: No! They are making issues about me becoming a drug user and pusher! But they are liars! Tingnan nyo nga ako, ang payat-payat ko just because I am a model! no more no less!
SP: (St. Peter's confused.) Would that be all?
MM: I also don't kill animals. I don't eat meat. I'm not a carnival.
SP: Now, before I grant you this one-way ticket to eternal happiness since your name is here in the Book of Life, I have to ask if you have any qualms regarding your untimely death? See, we have been receiving some negative feedback on our surveys, so if you have any grievances, now is the time to say so.
MM: Well, it's not so bad here. I think it is worse-r to end in Hell. I think I will get sunburn-ed there! Hmm...and besides, matagal naman na akong semi-retarded eh.
SP: Final words?
MM: I only have three words to say, "Big Angel is here!"