Of Popoy And Basha

 

Naku naman, kung dalawin ako ng malas eh sunud-sunod.

My sister was watching One More Chance when I woke up sa couch.

I immediately cry seeing this scene:

 

Naalala mo nung ako yung nandyan? O, e diba’t ikaw pa ang nagsabi sakin na kaya baka tayo iniiwan ng mga taong mahal natin kasi baka merong bagong darating na mas okay. Na mas mamahalin tayo. Yung taong hindi tayo sasaktan at paaasahin. Yung nag-iisang taong magtatama ng mali sa buhay natin. Ng lahat ng mali sa buhay mo.

Ang drama lang.

Ako ya gihilanat ko subong kag gina asthma waay mahimo di sa balay. Powtah.

***

I should probably be jaded by my experience, but I'm not. I can sort of understand how it happened. I'm still hoping that someday I'll get it right and whoever he is, he'll get it right, too. Few wrong Prince Charmings first before Mr. Right di ba? To all my people who've made a choice to hold on to who they are, don't be afraid. It'll come y'all. Our small world may not be ready for us yet, but someday, that part of our lives will bloom, when it's ready to take the risks. *nahks* If it doesn't, there's always the rest of the world.

And, there's always other days and dates, for as long as Madonna lives on.

 ***

Puwede ba, wag mong palabasin na ako yung naghahabol sa'yo at kasalanan mo rin na hindi ka nagset ng boudaries?! Ang kapal lang ha. Ikaw na ang pinaka guwapong nilalang. I still have your messages kumag. Bakit hindi mo maamin na kating kati ka lang talaga. That you are just a coward and an ass...

I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

***

Of Anger And Pain

This is for YOU.

***

There are definite stages that people go through when coping with difficult and challenging experiences in their lives.



I'm currently on the second one: ANGER.


I have passed Denial swiftly since my personality often refuse to deny general truths and pre-existing conditions.


The question is, how do I cope up with this stage? Believe me, this is going to hurt me too.

The pain you are about to feel will also be my pain, although not too long ago, mine had not been yours. I should have warned you before everything began; I should have told you about my flaw before I let you in my world. Maybe I would not need to do this. To hurt you will not be easy.

***

It has been written over and over, happy is the person who finds joy in sunshine through a window, bliss in smileys and random text messages, music in the laughter of playing children, pleasure in a borrowed book read over a lazy weekend.

And many believed.

Yet few realized the repercussions of living in the little things. Because just as they are the trinkets of happiness in our every day, they are, when neglected, constant reminders of what is unrequited.

The little things never were important to you, in the same way, I am inclined to think, I never was.

I am angry. I am hurt. And before all the hurting turns to hate, over which I am afraid I have no control, I must hurt you back. You are the reason. Somehow, you have yet to see that.

***

I remember how, as a child, I used to skip dinner whenever my mother would scold me. It was cruel, knowing how she would later feel guilty about her son hungering the whole night; it was nonetheless the perfect strategy to get what I wanted.

At a very young age, I discovered how pain changes people.

It is solitude in a vacant seat that shows us who and what really matter, indifference in empty conversations that reminds us of the people and things we have taken for granted.

Pain confronts us with the realities happiness cannot. Pain is liberating.

Do not be afraid. It is still I, the one who taught you are indeed a royal prince beyond your imperfections, that you don't have to feel like you have to be perfect, that you're the best version of a charming fairytale hero in your white clothes..

***

You,

who took me for granted,

who can't seem to understand that mourning over a mother's death was hard enough,

who can't honor a promise made that you can and will wait,

who made me believe that everything will be ok,

who trusted me with your name which, as you said, is too personal,

who really digs men over women but professes being straight to the bone (even if you scream homosexuality),

who entrusted me with your pictures that are not for public consumption,

who exchanged sexual fantasies over phone calls (and always have a stiffy everytime you talked to me),

who believed that you found your match in me since you're exclusively a top,

who met me with this blog since you have yours

who is supposed to heal and treat people, not hurt them,

who played with my emotions,

who is a coward,

who is a liar,

you,

yes you,

just you...

It is still I, I who will hurt when I see you hurt.

This is a cycle that must come to pass.

When it does, I do hope you forgive me, as I would forgive you.

______________________________________


Prolly I'll skip bargaining.
I'm not that desperate.
And besides, you found your "match" right?

***

Of Broken Glass Slippers

Believe me when I say glass slippers aren’t for running. I didn’t and I kept running until the stupid things shattered beneath my feet. And, now, I’m walking barefoot. Just like a child selling flowers on the street. Glass is really cold when it’s cold and really hot when it’s hot. There’s no logical reason for living in a glass house, much less for wearing glass slippers. They really aren’t for running. They’re for fairy tales and for being carried across thresholds by charming Princes. They’re also for the really stupid who don’t realize that glass slippers are a health hazard. Guilty.

I’m nobody here. But, in the real world, I’m a boy trying his best to grow up without completely hurting himself. So, thank you, for welcoming me into your world and for listening awhile to the mindless nonsense that dribbled while using my glass slippers. But there's one thing you ought to know. I am bleeding right now. For my glass slippers were broken. We were running then instead of just walking. Now it hurts so bad.

We have our own glass slippers. We just have to figure out when to wear them.. and when it’s time to take them off.

Of Affirmations And A Much Needed Strength

I am ready to heal my heart.

I'm getting there...

One step at a time. That is how I will get where I am going.

____________________________


If I can endure for this minute whatever is happening to me.
No matter how heavy my heart is or how dark the moment might be...
If I can but keep on believing what I know in my heart to be true,
That darkness will fade with morning and that this will pass away too..

Then nothing can ever disturb me or fill me with uncertain fear,
For as sure as night brings dawning, my morning is bound to appear...